October 19 marks five years since my double mastectomy with aesthetic flat closure. Looking back at the woman I was before my diagnosis, it’s hard not to notice how much has changed. Breast cancer changed my body, but it also changed my perspective on life, my relationships, my priorities, and the way I see myself. I’m not the same woman I was five years ago, and in many ways, I’m grateful for the growth that has brought me here.
Sometimes, it takes a life-changing experience to make us reconsider what truly matters. The things that once felt important may no longer hold the same weight, and the things we once overlooked can become some of our greatest blessings. For me, that shift has been about becoming more intentional with my time, energy, health, and the life I’m building.
I’ve Stopped Shrinking Myself for Other People
For a long time, I cared about being liked, being understood, and making sure people saw me the way I wanted to be seen. When someone misunderstood me, I felt the need to explain myself. When I sensed that someone didn’t like me, I sometimes tried harder to win them over. Looking back, I realize how much energy can go into trying to manage other people’s perceptions.
Over time, I’ve become more comfortable with the fact that not everyone will understand me. People form opinions based on their own experiences, assumptions, and perspectives. Sometimes, those opinions have very little to do with who we actually are.
I’ve learned that I can’t control how everyone perceives me, and I no longer want to spend time trying to. Not everyone will like me, and not everyone will understand me. That doesn’t mean I need to change who I am to make someone else comfortable.
For women who have spent years being accommodating, keeping the peace, or making themselves smaller to avoid judgment, learning to take up space can feel unfamiliar. There’s a difference between being considerate of others and constantly putting ourselves aside to keep everyone else comfortable.
This doesn’t mean becoming cold or uncaring. It means recognizing that kindness doesn’t require self-abandonment. We can be respectful without pretending to be someone we’re not, and we can stand by our choices without needing everyone to agree with them.
Self-Validation is the Key to Life
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that our worth doesn’t depend on other people’s approval. It’s easy to fall into the habit of measuring ourselves by how others respond to us, whether they include us, understand us, appreciate us, or make us feel accepted.
But external validation can become an exhausting thing to chase. There will always be someone who doesn’t understand our choices, sees things differently, or holds an opinion that doesn’t reflect who we truly are.
I’ve learned to validate myself, and I think a part of that just naturally comes when you hit a certain age. We don’t need everyone to recognize our intentions or approve of every decision we make. What matters is being able to look at ourselves honestly and feel comfortable with the people we’re becoming.
There’s freedom in knowing who we are without needing everyone else to validate it.
This realization has also changed how I approach relationships. There’s no need to maintain every connection or pretend to be close when a relationship no longer feels genuine. We can be respectful without forcing a friendship, and wish someone well without needing them to remain part of our lives.
My Health and Longevity Matter More Than Ever
Breast cancer changed how I think about my health and the future. I think more carefully about the habits I build, the choices I make, and how I want to care for myself in the years ahead. Being healthy isn’t something I want to think about only when something goes wrong. It’s something I want to remain intentional about every day.
I’ve become more mindful about alcohol and the everyday choices that support my well-being. I’ve also explored different wellness approaches, including peptides such as the Glow Stack, which consists of the GHK-Cu peptide and the BPC157 and TB500 combo. As with any wellness product or treatment, I believe it’s important to understand the evidence, potential risks, and whether something is appropriate for our individual health needs before deciding to use it.
For me, prioritizing health is about looking at the bigger picture rather than relying on one product, treatment, or routine. It’s about paying attention to my habits, asking questions, and making thoughtful decisions about how I care for my body.
Our health isn’t entirely within our control, and breast cancer certainly reminded me of that. But being intentional about the choices we can make is one way to take an active role in our well-being.
I want to feel as well as I can, enjoy the life I’m building, and be present for the people I love for as many years as possible. Which is one of the main reasons I chose not to do mound reconstruction. I truly believe life can only be lived well to the extent of how good you feel. That perspective has made taking care of myself feel less like an obligation and more like a priority.
I’ve Learned That Peace Is Worth Protecting
This is a photo of my baby girl Maggie Mae, who I unfortunately lost earlier this year on April 6th. She was my rock and my constant source of love through all of my hard times. I miss spending all of my time with her. The waves of grief from her absence still continue to hit me, even though I know her spirit surrounds me, I deeply miss her daily cuddles and unconditional love in physical form.
The older I get, the more I appreciate a quiet life. Some of my favorite moments are spent at home with my new cat, Mucci, and Maggie’s younger sister, Mia. I find myself reading more, journaling, watching a good show, or simply bird watching and listening to nature. I guess you can say I have fallen in love with alone time and not feeling the need to be anywhere else.
There was a time when being busy or maintaining different connections could feel like something I was supposed to do. These days, I don’t feel the same need to be everywhere, know everything, or participate in every conversation. I’d rather enjoy my own company, spend time with people I trust, and create a home that feels peaceful. Or maybe that just comes naturally after two long toxic relationships back-to-back.
I’ve also become more mindful of where I give my energy. Not every situation requires a response, and not every relationship needs to be maintained. Sometimes, stepping back is enough. Sometimes, the healthiest choice is to stop trying to make something work when it no longer feels right.
There’s freedom in being kind, letting go of what no longer feels right, and protecting our peace without guilt.
Protecting my peace doesn’t mean avoiding life or shutting people out. It means being more intentional about the life I choose to participate in and recognizing when something is no longer serving me.
My relationship with fashion has evolved alongside me. I still appreciate its artistry, but I’m more drawn to spirituality, inner peace, and what brings meaning to my life. Helping women find confidence in themselves has become far more fulfilling than simply being part of the industry.
I still enjoy getting dressed up, expressing myself through fashion, and putting myself out into the world. That part of me hasn’t disappeared. What’s changed is that I feel less pressure to prove anything through it. I can enjoy how I look, express my individuality, and be confident in my choices without making other people’s reactions the measure of my worth.
My Family Is One of My Greatest Blessings
If there’s one thing I appreciate more as I get older, it’s my family. Having a loving, steady family is not something everyone gets to experience, and I don’t take it for granted.
My parents are still together, they still love each other deeply, and I have my sister to share life with. I’m also grateful for the time I get to spend with my son and the memories we continue to make together. These relationships mean so much to me, and their importance becomes even clearer as the years go by.
I’ve also come to appreciate my lifelong friendships more deeply. Having friends who have been part of my life for so many years is a gift I don’t take for granted. There’s something special about the people who have grown alongside you, shared different seasons of life with you, and continued to show up through the years.
Breast cancer made me think differently about time and how I want to spend it. I want to be present for the people I love, not just during special occasions, but in ordinary moments, too. The conversations, the laughter, the familiar routines, and simply being together are things I never want to take for granted.
It’s easy to spend so much of life chasing what we think will make us happier that we overlook the blessings already around us. I’ve become more appreciative of the life I have, including the people who genuinely love me and the simple moments that make everyday life meaningful.
I also want to keep building a life that feels good to live, rather than one I constantly need to escape from, i.e. the rat race we have all been conditioned to participate in. I no longer want to always be obtaining the next best thing. I have learned that when you are constantly thinking about the future it increases anxiety. I choose to live presently instead. That means making room for family, enjoying time with my animals, and appreciating the everyday experiences that bring genuine joy.
Sometimes, the life we spend so much time trying to build is already taking shape in the moments we’re too busy to notice.
I Care Less About The Opinions of Others and More About Intentional Living
Over these five years, I’ve become more comfortable with the fact that people will have their own opinions. Some will understand my choices, and others won’t. Some connections will grow stronger, while others will naturally fade. That’s part of life.
Kindness and genuine relationships still matter to me, but I’ve learned that we don’t have to overextend ourselves to maintain them. There’s no need to explain every decision, convince everyone of our intentions, or force a connection simply because it once mattered to us.
This shift hasn’t happened overnight, and other people’s opinions can still affect us. The difference is learning not to let them carry so much weight in the decisions we make.
There’s a difference between being open to feedback and allowing other people’s expectations to dictate how we live. One can help us grow, while the other can leave us constantly questioning ourselves.
These days, less energy goes toward worrying about how I’m perceived and more toward what genuinely matters: my health, my family, my relationships, and creating a life that feels meaningful.
Not everyone will connect with or understand us, and that’s okay. There’s freedom in accepting that we don’t have to be everyone’s cup of tea to be comfortable with who we are.
Five Years Later, I’m Still Becoming
Five years after breast cancer, I’m still learning about myself. I’m still growing, still changing, and still figuring out what I want this next chapter of my life to look like. I definitely have more clarity of where I am heading, but I don’t have everything figured out and that’s okay. I don’t think personal growth ever really ends.
Sharing my story has connected me with women from all over the world. Some have reached out to tell me how my journey helped them feel seen, understood, or less alone. It’s humbling to realize that sharing something so personal can touch lives in ways we may never fully know.
These connections have made advocacy even more meaningful to me. They’ve reminded me that our experiences can reach people we may never meet in person, and that sharing our stories can make a difference. It’s one of the reasons I’m increasingly drawn to this work and finding more ways to help women feel informed, supported, and empowered.
Through it all, my priorities have become clearer. My health matters. My family matters. My peace matters. The relationships I choose to nurture matter. And the way I feel about the life I’m living matters far more than whether that life meets someone else’s expectations.
Breast cancer was not something I would have chosen for myself, and I would never suggest that anyone needs to experience something like it to learn these lessons. But I can acknowledge how deeply it changed me and how much more intentional I’ve become about the person I want to be.
Life doesn’t always go according to plan, and learning to accept that has brought a different kind of peace. I’m learning to worry less about what I can’t control and trust that God sees the bigger picture, even when I can’t. I always refer back to my favorite quote from Dr. Wayne Dyer, “If you knew who walked beside you, you could never experience doubt or fear, only love.” Sometimes, faith means letting go of the need to have every answer and trusting that the next step will become clearer along the way.
I’m grateful for how much I’ve grown, the women I’ve connected with, and the clarity I’ve gained about what matters most. Moving forward, I want to keep caring for my health, cherishing the people I love, and creating a life that feels meaningful to me. I hope you continue to grow into a life that feels right for you, too.
Until next time.
Always be kind, x
Erica
