I think there’s a lot of healing women still need to do, not just individually, but collectively.
For generations, women were taught, directly and indirectly, that our worth was tied to being desirable, being chosen, finding a husband, and meeting expectations that often benefited everyone but ourselves. We grew up in a world that encouraged comparison, where another woman’s beauty, success, or relationship could feel like something we had to measure ourselves against. Instead of seeing other women as people we could learn from and support, we were often conditioned to see them as competition.
Today, women have more opportunities to build independent lives, earn their own money, pursue careers, and define success on their own terms. But even as our circumstances change, some of the beliefs we’ve inherited can be harder to let go of. We can be independent and accomplished and still find ourselves comparing our lives to someone else’s, seeking validation, or feeling uncomfortable when another woman confidently does things differently from us.
Learning to Look at Ourselves Honestly
I think part of the healing begins when we’re willing to look at ourselves honestly. The next time you catch yourself judging another woman, pause and ask why. Is it something she’s actually done, or does her confidence, appearance, lifestyle, or success bring up something within you? Not every judgment comes from insecurity, and we’re not going to agree with everyone. But sometimes, our reactions tell us more about our own experiences and beliefs than they do about the person we’re judging.
Social media can make this even more complicated. We’re constantly exposed to other people’s appearances, relationships, accomplishments, and carefully curated lives. It’s easy to fall into comparison without even realizing it. At the same time, I see women uplifting one another in ways that give me hope. I love seeing women celebrate each other’s achievements, encourage one another, and create spaces where we can feel supported rather than judged. I think we need more of that.
Another woman’s beauty doesn’t take away from yours. Her success doesn’t threaten yours. Her relationship, confidence, or happiness doesn’t make your own life any less meaningful. We don’t have to look alike, want the same things, or make the same choices to respect one another. We can have different values and perspectives without treating each other as competition.
I refuse to be one of those women who act like crabs in a bucket, pulling other women down instead of allowing them to rise. I’d rather celebrate another woman’s growth than feel threatened by it. That doesn’t mean we have to agree with everyone or pretend we connect with every person we meet. It simply means we can choose not to make another woman’s life, appearance, or success a reason to diminish her.
We may not have created the expectations we grew up with, but we can decide what we carry forward. That means becoming more aware of the way we speak about other women, the assumptions we make, and the messages we pass on to younger generations. It means recognizing when comparison is getting in the way of connection and choosing a different response.
I want to see more women doing that inner work, not because we need to be perfect, but because we deserve healthier relationships with ourselves and with one another. Imagine how different things could be if we spent less time comparing and more time celebrating, less time judging and more time understanding.
We don’t have to keep repeating what we’ve inherited. We can choose to create a culture where another woman’s success is something to celebrate, where differences don’t have to divide us, and where women can grow without feeling the need to pull one another down.
We may not have created the system we grew up in, but we do get to choose what we carry forward.
Until next time.
Always be kind, x
Erica
