Recently a friend of mine had sent me a video talking about ambivalent relationships and it got me thinking about all of my past relationships, not just with significant others but also with friends. Ambivalence is the experience of having an attitude towards someone or something that contains both positive and negative components. It’s that one friend you have to work extra hard on to maintain that friendship, or that boyfriend that just doesn’t agree with ALL of you. It is any relationship in your life that you consider to be a close one, but yet don’t feel 100% about. If you have to think about how a person is perceiving you or judging you, wondering if they truly like you, then that relationship isn’t worthy of your time.
These relationships cause self-doubt and hinder our self awareness. Life is truly all about building relationships and how we treat one another. If you have to second guess the nature of ones intentions on their interactions with you, then chances are it’s not in your best interest to continue it. Life is so funny. As you get older, you really are able to look back and see a pathway, providing a better understanding of the past, especially the tumultuous times, and how those experiences serve you today. I can firmly say that I have had my fair share of ambivalent relationships, and now at age 34, I am grateful for them because I am able to recognize when something is toxic and I can take action to remove it out of my life.
I have a small circle of friends that know me for who I am and accept all of me, and that my friends, is truly what all of us only need. Don’t waste time on people who don’t have your best interests at heart. Pondering on conflicting feelings on how someone genuinely perceives you only dampens your spirit- they are not worthy of that time that is lost in negative contemplation. The most important thing is being able to recognize when an ambivalent friendship or relationship it is taking up too much of your time with negative energy. When you start to have insecurities about yourself due to the opinion of that person, then it’s time to say BUH-BYE. Take action and make a change for the better. Either remove yourself from the relationship or stop putting in the extra effort to be friends.
True friendships are those that you can say or do anything without worrying about negative judgment effecting the bond that is shared. The acceptance of one another is solid. These friends are the friends you wanna put your efforts into, like picking up the phone to have a conversation with them just to see how they are doing. These days we get so consumed with our everyday responsibilities, we forget to check in with the people that truly mean the most to us. Set time aside to make a call, not a text, but a call- it’s worth it.
Until next time, always be kind.
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